Once You See It: Breaking Free from Dysfunction That Masquerades as “Normal”
- Hannah
- Sep 29
- 4 min read
Dysfunction hides behind routines, relationships, and roles. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
A one-sentence way to describe them:"Stories where the picture-perfect world begins to crack, revealing unsettling truths beneath the surface."
Have you ever watched one of those movies where everything looks perfect on the surface?
Think The Stepford Wives, The Truman Show, The Matrix, or Don’t Worry Darling. Every detail is picture-perfect. The lawns are manicured. The smiles are flawless. The routine repeats day after day.
But then—one person notices the cracks. Something doesn’t add up. A moment feels off. A glitch appears in the perfection. At first, people tell them they’re imagining things. They’re comforted, dismissed, sometimes even threatened. But deep down, they can’t shake the truth: this world isn’t real.
They start to pull at the threads, even when it feels dangerous. And as the illusion unravels, they begin to see reality for what it is. Eventually, they escape the “perfect” world for something real—messy, painful, but authentic.
That’s what dysfunction feels like.
The Ground We’ll Cover
In this post, we’ll explore:
Why dysfunction often feels like comfort — and why it can go unnoticed for so long.
How movies like Stepford Wives, The Matrix, and even The Barbie Movie mirror our own experiences of questioning reality.
What happens when we start “pulling the thread” on patterns that don’t add up in our relationships, workplaces, and lives.
My personal story of recognizing dysfunction—and how facing it led me to healing and freedom.
Practical wisdom from voices like Lysa TerKeurst on breaking cycles of “dancing in dysfunction.”
The Comfort of Dysfunction
Dysfunction rarely shows up looking like chaos. More often, it disguises itself as comfort. It feels normal. Familiar. Even “safe.”
That’s why so many of us live in it without realizing it. We settle into the same relationship patterns, the same job dynamics, the same family cycles—believing this is just the way life is. It can even look perfect from the outside. But inside, something whispers: This isn’t right.
And once you hear that whisper, you can’t unhear it.
Pulling the Thread
For those of us who’ve seen The Barbie Movie, the metaphor is almost too perfect. Everything in Barbieland seems ideal. But when Barbie starts experiencing “imperfections,” she seeks help from Weird Barbie, who offers her two choices:
Go back to her perfect, regular life and pretend nothing is wrong.
Or… learn the truth about the universe.
Barbie hesitates, clinging to the comfort of what she knows. But ultimately, she chooses truth—even though it leads to a painful, eye-opening journey. And in choosing truth, she not only changes herself—she changes her world.
That’s exactly what happens when we begin pulling the thread of dysfunction. At first, people might tell us we’re overreacting. “Everything is fine.” “You’re crazy.” “This is just how it is.” Even our own thoughts might cycle through excuses to keep us comfortable. But deep down, we know better.
The process is rarely easy. It often involves pain, loss, and pushback. But eventually, if we keep pulling, we reach the breakthrough. The truth. And with truth comes freedom.
My Story: Facing Dysfunction in Relationships
I’ll never forget my first thread-pulling moment. During my stay in a PTSD recovery facility, I attended a 12-step group called CODA—Codependents Anonymous.
For those unfamiliar with what 'codependency' actually is: Codependency is not just “needing someone.” It’s the toxic cycle of sacrificing your needs, boundaries, and identity to rescue and manage someone else’s chaos, pain, or addictions.
That first meeting gave me a truth I couldn’t unsee: my pattern of unhealthy relationships wasn’t just bad luck or other people’s brokenness. It was me.
Not because I deserved it. Not because I was broken beyond repair. But because I had normalized dysfunction. I had lived in a world that looked like love but wasn’t. I was drawn to what felt familiar—even when familiar meant unhealthy.
Sitting in that room, I felt both gutted and set free. For the first time, I understood why I kept choosing the same relationships - narcissists, abusers, and those who bolted the moment anything deeper required them to show up. I could see the dysfunction clearly.
And once I saw it, I couldn’t go back.
Some people do go back. They learn the truth and then ignore it—slipping back into the comfort of what they know. But for me, the truth was a line I couldn’t uncross. I ran with it, never looking back.
Why We Normalize Dysfunction
Author and teacher Lysa TerKeurst calls this “dancing in dysfunction.” She explains that dysfunction often feels familiar, so we confuse it with normal. We mistake chaos for love. We mistake control for care. We mistake repetition for stability.
The longer we stay, the harder it is to see clearly. But once we start noticing the cracks, once we dare to ask why, we begin to wake up.
Stepping into Freedom
Here’s the hope: dysfunction doesn’t get the final word. Just like in the movies, the moment we start questioning is the moment the story changes. Pulling the thread may unravel life as we know it, but it also opens the door to healing, clarity, and freedom.
We don’t escape dysfunction by ignoring it. We escape by naming it, facing it, and choosing truth—even when truth hurts.
Because once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And once you’re free, you’ll never want to go back.
Your Turn
Where in your life have you felt the whisper that something isn’t right? Are you willing to pull the thread—even if it unravels everything?
💛🍁 Hannah
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