Finding Healing in the 'Why'

Healing Starts with Asking Why—Here's How to Move Forward

Sobbing in Bathroom Stalls & Panic Attacks

I pulled my knees in tighter as I sobbed as quietly as possible in the bathroom stall. This time I was in an airport. Not at work. Not in a store. Not in my car. I did not know the exact reason my heart felt so hopeless. I had just traipsed around The Netherlands and seen so many tulips full of beauty and life. My inner being somehow felt devoid of those things. Everything in me did not want to get on the plane to go back to what my life had become. I felt trapped, there was no way out.

"Why is this happening to me"?

In that stall with tears falling down my cheeks, the very human question that we all have asked between sobs and blowing our nose came out, “why…why God is this happening to me?”

I have uttered this several times over the years. It is so painful to be in an emotional prison where you feel stuck, and you don’t know how things will get better. My friend Jeff and I call it ‘The Pit’. It's dark, lonely, small, and feels like there is no way out. But there is...

The question ‘Why?’ isn’t a dead end—it’s the doorway to something deeper.

The Ultimate Solution

This basic question we cry out with feels like the ending. However, after the months that followed, I discovered it was the ultimate solution. When we ask ‘why’ we open the door for answers. The truest, best answers are never forthcoming (wouldn’t that be nice!). But the painful question - just like a wound - moves us into action, searching for healing. One step at a time.  

Once I left that bathroom stall the months that followed were hard. I was plagued with panic attacks, nightmares, depression, anxiety, morbid ideations, questions about my faith, and treatment. BUT doors opened. Doors closed. Each new opportunity took me from one answer to the next, until finally I started to see the suffering as a sign that I wasn't stuck, I was moving forward. Towards something significant.

Starting with Why

Asking questions means we are seeking answers. We haven't given up, even though we feel we are at that point. The more we ask 'why' the more likely we are to identify a solution.

Where the Healing Begins - Finding Healing in 'Why'

There is a technique called the '5 Whys Technique', used to identify root causes of problems. It provides a deeper look and understanding of what is actually going on. According to Leaders Media, repeatedly asking why, "Identifies underlying issues and root causes...it peels back the layers of a problem to get closer to the heart of what’s not working well. The goal is to define the real issue at hand to address its underlying causes."

This is where the change-the healing begins-in the why. You are seeking the root cause, not a simple diversion. Challenging old mindsets and behaviors. Taking control of your story. This is a bold move, but one I know you have in you because you are a fighter. You move forward no matter how stuck and lost you may feel. All you have to do is simply ask ‘why’ and new doors open.

If this is where you are at - in the why - I am there too with you. You aren't in this alone. Let's keep seeking the “why” together.