When Dysfunction Looks Like Comfort
- Hannah
- Oct 7
- 3 min read
How to Recognize Toxic Patterns, Break Cycles, and Step Into Healing
We all long for peace, but sometimes what feels like comfort is really a trap. Pastor Steven Furtick calls this “dysfunctional comfort”—when the very thing keeping us stuck feels safer than the unknown of change.
💡 Watch the sermon ‘Dysfunctional Comfort’ here - it's one of my absolute favorites!!
It’s why we stay in jobs that drain us. Why we date people who wound us in familiar ways. Why we keep saying “yes” to caretaking when our soul is screaming “no.”
It’s not that we don’t see the red flags. It’s that the spiral feels familiar, and the familiar feels like home.
That’s what dysfunction feels like.
The Ground We’ll Cover
In this post, we’ll explore:
What dysfunctional comfort looks like in everyday life
My personal story of staying in toxic relationships and unhealthy work environments
Biblical wisdom and Steven Furtick’s insights on spotting dysfunction
A practical checklist to recognize dysfunctional patterns in your own life
How to pull the thread of truth and step into freedom
Why We Keep Repeating Old Patterns
Psychology helps us understand why we do this.
Attachment theory shows how early patterns in childhood can wire us to expect abandonment, chaos, or rejection.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) helps us see the “parts” of ourselves—like the caretaker, the achiever, the protector—that drive our decisions, often from places of fear or survival.
Somatic healing teaches us that the body clings to familiar sensations, even if those sensations come from trauma.
In other words: dysfunction feels like home because it’s what we know.
But Scripture tells a different story.
Scripture Calls Us to See Clearly
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” — Matthew 7:15
While Jesus was talking about spiritual leaders, the principle applies to life: not everything that looks safe actually is. Sometimes dysfunction disguises itself as comfort, but if the fruit is rotten, the root is diseased.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32
The Spirit doesn’t ask us to judge ourselves harshly, but to discern wisely. Not to shame ourselves for repeating patterns, but to see them—and choose differently.
That’s exactly what happens when we begin pulling the thread of dysfunction.
How to Spot Dysfunction: A Quick Checklist
If you’re wondering whether dysfunction is hiding in your relationships, work, or patterns, ask yourself:
Does it cost me my peace? (Romans 14:19)
Am I shrinking myself to stay safe or keep the peace?
Do I feel drained, diminished, or devalued more often than I feel seen and supported?
Am I stuck in a cycle I’ve been through before—even though I swore it would be different this time?
Do I confuse chaos with love, or over-functioning with worth?
Would I tell my best friend to stay in the same situation I’m tolerating?
If you answered yes to several of these, dysfunction may be disguising itself as comfort.
Pulling the Thread
When I started spotting dysfunction in my own life, it wasn’t glamorous. It was painful. It meant admitting that what I thought was love wasn’t love. That what I thought was loyalty was actually self-abandonment. That what I thought was strength was actually survival.
But once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
And once you see it, you can begin to choose differently.
You can stop choosing relationships that drain you.
You can walk away from jobs that diminish you.
You can stop defining your worth by what you give away.
Because the truth is this: you were never meant to build your life on dysfunction.
Your Turn
Take a quiet moment this week and ask yourself:
Where in my life does dysfunction feel like “comfort”?
Am I making choices out of my wounds or out of my worth?
What thread of truth is God inviting me to pull, even if it unravels what I thought I knew?
Remember—this isn’t about condemnation. The enemy keeps you comfortable because it keeps you stuck. God doesn’t expose our dysfunction to shame us, but to heal us. It’s about freedom.
When you dare to see the truth, you’re not losing comfort. You’re gaining life.
💛🍁 Hannah
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